Parenting Means Playing the Long Game (Even When They Boo the Opening)

I’ve highlighted the importance of boredom to my kids (7,10,12, & 14) many times. When I told them I wanted to read them an essay (George Mack’s High Agency essay) they immediately responded with, “How long is it?” I told them it would probably take an hour to get through as we might want to discuss things along the way. “Ughhh! That sounds boring!”

I flipped my lid and stormed off with a “Fine, we won’t do it.”

I think I pulled off lying down on my bed in a huff. The thoughts bouncing around my head went something like this:

“Can they hear any of this if they are in a sour mood?”

“Am I ok with never reading this to them?”

“They are so boredom avoidant they can’t even sit and listen to something for an hour.”

“They used to sit through church so I know they are capable.”

“I feel like it would be unfair for them to not know about something that could be so helpful. I have to share it with them.”

“Maybe I should make them sit and be bored for an hour and they will wish I had read an essay… But I want to read it right now! What if I could do a mini version of that?”

So that’s what I did. I soothed myself, asked everyone to join me for five minutes of boredom. I asked people if they had interesting thoughts and most of us had something to share.

Then I read through the high agency essay with everyone following on their screen (if they had one), pausing for explaining something complex that felt important or using high agency principles to our own hobbies.

They listened. They laughed. They had a few questions.

At the end I asked them what high agency meant to them. “It means doing what you want no matter what other people might think about it.” It reminded me of a quote they like and like to make fun of from the Miles Morales Spiderman so I tried to say it, “I’m gonna do my own thing.” They were quick to make sure I got it just right, “Dad! It’s ‘nah imma do my own thing.’”

They also said they weren’t bored. They seemed to grasp more of it than I’d expected (I was hoping that they would pick up at least one, single thing).

I plan to reread that every year or two or maybe more if it feels needed. It feels very empowering. It feels similar to communication tools learned in therapy, but it’s FREE. I am so grateful for George and others who share life-changing tools using their own time for free.